


it is how it is

by aromanticanti



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Gen, Not Beta Read, OOC, Self Harm, adding tags as I go along ig, ed is sad okay, idk how to tag, my first fma fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aromanticanti/pseuds/aromanticanti
Summary: Edward goes on an undercover mission where he has to pretend hawkeye and mustang are his parents, maybe they'll figure out his little secret during this mission and maybe he'll discover he sees them as more than just coworkers (friends? what are they even)
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Edward Elric & Riza Hawkeye, Edward Elric & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyyy this was gonna be a one shot but then I kept writing, I was in a lil depressive episode so I uh didn't write much or anything and immediately got outta it and wrote this vent cause I project onto ed haha 
> 
> um 
> 
> yeah roy is vv ooc and I apologize but I think I did fine for my first time writing these characters 
> 
> anyway enjoy this ig

It was two or three am, he had guessed, and he was sitting on the bathroom floor in the dorms. He had somehow snuck in there while Al thought he was asleep. Al was probably reading in the small living/kitchen area.

He had just went in here a few minutes ago and he was going to transmute a blade for what he was about to do before remembering how much noise that would make then deciding against it.

He rummaged around in the draws and the counter a bit before finding a blade. He hadn’t even thought to bring his usual one in not wanting to make noise and alert his brother to the fact he was not sleeping. 

Once he had the blade he washed it under the water quickly, he doesn’t need an infection, and rolled up his sleeve. He looked down at his marred arm for a second and then, without any more hesitation, starting ripping open his skin.

He doesn’t remember really when this started. He thinks it must’ve been a few years at this point but it isn’t like it mattered how long it’s been going on. He had managed to hide it all this time with relative ease.

It was a little difficult hiding it when he got his automail checked out or fixed or his many stays in the hospital but he somehow managed. When it started he didn’t do it that often or cut that deep, maybe once a week or so.

But as time went on he started cutting everyday going deeper each time. He made sure to take care of his cuts though, as much as he would just like to let them be, he didn’t want to get caught because of a stupid infection.

He knows that it probably isn’t a smart habit but it relieved stress and he felt like he deserved the extra pain. He did after all trap his little brother in a cold and unfeeling suit of armor.

He wasn’t sure how much time he had spent in the bathroom but he hoped Al didn’t notice. He cleaned his cuts under the sink and looked for bandage wrap. After wrapping his arm up he crept out of the bathroom, careful not to make too much noise, and made his way to the bed. He caught sight of a clock on his way there and it was four in the morning.

He silently sighed knowing he had to be up in a few hours to turn in a report to the damn colonel. He laid down in the bed and willed himself to get at least a bit of sleep before he had to be up.

He knew he’d be tired either way but better to get a little sleep than none at all. After shuffling around a bit he ended up falling asleep. He’s always a little exhausted after cutting probably due to blood loss or something like that.

He woke up to Al shaking him awake, “come on brother you have to wake up to turn in your report to the colonel.” he let out an annoyed sigh at the mention of the colonel

“I know Al, I’m up, I don’t know why it had to be this early.” he slowly sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes and stretching.

“I’ll wait for you while you get ready brother, but you should hurry you’re supposed to be there in fifteen minutes. I tried to wake you earlier but you wouldn’t get up”

he let out another sigh, and made his way to the bathroom that he had been in hours previous. He had already put his brush in the bathroom so he brushed his hair and put it in his signature braid before grabbing his clothes from yesterday and deciding they were clean enough to wear. 

He threw on his red coat and put on his clothes looking in the mirror at himself. He looked, decent, a little tired but he always looks like that. He looked away from the mirror and went to put his shoes on.

He walked over to his brother ready to leave, report in his coat, and opened the door. 

“brother you took too long you’re going to be late.” without looking at his brother he responded with “that colonel bastard can deal with me being a few minutes late, he’s lucky I even decided to show up close to on time.”

Al sighed and didn’t even bother responding, his brother had a point, its not like he actively tries to be on time anyway though he thinks he should try to be a little more punctual.

The two brothers make their way to central command with little trouble. It was a relatively short walk and they were outside of the main office in maybe ten minutes. They walked into the outer office to be greeted by mustang’s team.

Al stayed outside of mustang’s office while ed went over and practically kicked the door down.

“ah fullmetal, I’m guessing you have that report.”

he slammed the report on the colonel’s desk and sat down on one of the couches while he waited for the colonel to read it. He knew he was going to get lectured on something so he just sat and waited.

After a couple minutes the colonel puts down the papers and looks at ed “you should try writing longer reports fullmetal, this one is almost as short as you.” ed wanted to punch that stupid smirk of the bastard’s face 

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SHORT COLONEL BASTARD”

hawkeye made her first interruption, “colonel you shouldn't antagonize him just for your own entertainment.” the colonel looked at her with an _aw don’t ruin the fun _type of look, but she challenged him with a _you are an adult _look.____

____He sighed, “well, I have a mission for you fullmetal.” ed calmed down a bit and looked at him curiously, the colonel looked like he was dreading saying what the mission was._ _ _ _

____“well, it’s actually from one of the generals, an undercover mission. You, me and hawkeye will be acting as a family on vacation to a town that doesn’t like the government very much. We have to see if there’s anything to worry about, a few generals think they might be planning a coup or something of the sort, we just need to make sure that isn’t the case.”_ _ _ _

____ed groaned, he had to go on a mission with the bastard colonel but not only that he also had to pretend he was his dad, no way. But before he could object, “and there’s no way to get out of it fullmetal, we have to go it’s an order from a general we could get in trouble if we don’t follow through, and Al can’t come either I’m sure I don’t need to explain why.”_ _ _ _

____yeah that made sense. He guesses he’ll have to send Al to resembool for a bit, he didn’t want to but he also didn’t want to get in trouble with a general. “fine. When are we leaving?”_ _ _ _

____“we’ll all meet at the train station at six tonight.” he could do that, “alright.” without being dismissed he left the office._ _ _ _

____“so how’d it go brother?” another sigh, he’s been doing that a lot lately, “I have to go on an undercover mission with hawkeye and the damn colonel, you’re going to have to go to resembool until I come back.”_ _ _ _

____Al didn’t look too upset about not being able to go so that’s good. “okay brother when are you leaving?” “tonight, we should check to see when the next train to resembool leaves.”_ _ _ _

____the next train ended up being at four in the afternoon so after reading at the library for a bit Al left and ed made his way back to the dorms. He still needed to pack but it wasn’t like he had much anyway so he just put the few things he left out in his suitcase and a few bandage wraps and closed it._ _ _ _

____And then he just decided to read until it was time to leave._ _ _ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this only took so long because I got stumped on the dialogue, also sorry if its ooc hhhh

Eventually the two hours until he had to make his way to the train station had passed and he put his book down, grabbed his suitcase and made his way out the door. He needed to be to there in ten minutes if he didn’t want to miss the train and get a lecture from the colonel so he decided to go the short way.

He cut through a few alleyways and made it in maybe six minutes. He looked around trying to spot hawkeye or the colonel and after a minute he spotted hawkeye and started to walk over towards her.

She must’ve noticed him walking over almost immediately because she acknowledged him right away, “hello Edward.” before he even got a chance to say hello back the damn colonel interrupted him “oh fullmetal it seems you’re on time for once.”

He just growled. He was tired and didn’t want to deal with the bastard colonel. The colonel must’ve realized this because he didn’t say anything else and the three of them just waited for the train in silence. 

Once it arrived they made their way to their seats, hawkeye and mustang sitting next to each other and ed sitting across from them. It was a three hour train ride so he decided to take a nap. He felt exhausted for some reason and thought a nap would do him good. He laid his head on the window and brought his knees up to his chest.

He fell asleep rather quickly not even noticing hawkeye had been watching him get comfortable. She looked away after a minute to look back at the colonel who was reading some type of briefing on the mission. It went more into depth with information on the town and its citizens.

He read it rather quickly and realizing they still had two hours till they reached the town he decided to maybe take fullmetal’s idea and nap. He glanced at hawkeye who had brought a book it seemed and trusted his lieutenant would wake him up when they arrived.

After the colonel fell asleep hawkeye glanced at him and ed and let a small smile cross her face before going back to her book. Keeping an eye on the time as she read she let the two boys sleep the rest of the way there.

When they arrived at the town she put her book away and carefully shook Edward and her colonel awake. They quickly grabbed their suitcases and got off the train. 

“fullmetal you should take off that red coat of yours, this is supposed to be an undercover mission after all.” ed couldn’t really argue with that, he knows it’d probably look suspicious if not actually give them away. That doesn’t mean he wasn’t going to complain though, so in classic edward fashion he takes the coat off while grumbling about it under his breath. Mustang sighed but didn’t say anything as ed did do what he asked.

It was getting dark out as they headed from the train station to find some sort of inn or hotel. In the report mustang read it said there was a bed and breakfast right by the train station, only a few blocks away so the three of them started heading that way. 

They got there rather quickly and mustang went to get the three of them a room. He got a two bed room, the whole undercover thing, and once they entered the room it seemed there was also a couch. Mustang accepted his fate that he would _not _be sleeping in the same bed as hawkeye as they all set their things down.__

__Ed was still pretty tired so he called dibs on getting the bathroom first. He brought a pair of pajama pants with him and a long sleeved black shirt, also managing to hide his blade in his clothes._ _

__He was tired but also a little stressed out, he didn’t know about what but concluded that it didn’t really matter that much and that he didn’t care. He took his shirt off and started quickly covering his arm in fresh wounds, he decided to do it quickly so mustang wouldn’t complain or hawkeye get concerned._ _

__He managed to do a lot of damage in only five minutes and ran his arm and the blade under the sink, making sure there wasn’t any visible blood anywhere. He forgot to bring bandage wrap so he just threw on his shirt and pants when he decided he cleaned up enough._ _

__He walked back out and put his clothes and the hidden blade into his suitcase, closing it up. He noticed it was hawkeye who went in after him and if he wasn’t so exhausted he would’ve laughed at the colonel._ _

__He decided before he slept to call and see how al was. He knew how his little brother was and knew if he didn’t call him he’d probably be worried, so he went down to the front desk to ask for the phone._ _

__The nice lady at the front desk said the only one thy had was the desk one so she let him use that one. He dialed the rockbell’s number and almost immediately it got picked up._ _

__“hello?” he asked “brother! I’m guessing you made it to the town then? How are you?” ed laughed a little_ _

__“i’m fine al we just made it here around thirty minutes ago. I just called to let you know because I know how you get.” he heard al laugh on the other end too “you do know me brother and if I know you then I know right now you’re probably tired, you should go to sleep.” ed sighed “alright then al, do you want me to call you tomorrow?” “yes brother that would be nice. Sleep well.” and with that he gave the phone back to the desk lady and headed back to the room._ _

__When he walked in it seemed hawkeye had already went to bed and mustang was just leaving the bathroom. He didn’t say anything to him and just went right to the bed, lying on his right side and falling asleep._ _


End file.
